Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Uncle Jesse Burger

The Greeks have a rich history.

Famous philosophers. Majestic buildings that turned into even more interesting ruins. City states including Sparta and Athens (the ancient Yankees and Red Sox). The original bard Homer, writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey. Helen of Troy. Gods. The Olympics. John Stamos.

In a fitting tribute to this fine Grecian, the Sexy Burger Crew has created the Uncle Jesse Burger.

Why eschew thousands of years of Greek History for this modern day Adonis? Why risk Zeus' vengeful lightning bolts for the former Mr. Rebecca Romijn? Why must we shit all over the Acropolis to honor this man?

Because what have you done for me lately Greece? Do Greek college students pray to Athena the night before a test? Were the 2004 Athens Olympic not the worst in history? Hell, even Achilles has a weakness.

But not Stamos. Sure he likes the sauce, but if this is not the pantheon of the 21st Century man then I don't know what is.

Stamos has conquered all forms of entertainment. From the hard rocking, always caring Uncle Jesse on Full House, to touring Beach Boys drummer, to Broadway star, to Dr. Tony Gates on ER, to YouTube sensation, this man has been there done that with a verve and vigor not seen from a Grecian since Odysseus' epic journey.

And thus, Stamos' most famous character, Uncle Jesse, stands atop the podium in the Olympic sized battle for naming rights of our Greek themed burger.

  • Ground lamb: Used in the American version of the Greek gyro, this was a controversial ingredient for some. Seasoned heartily, this ground meat carried more natural flavor than any meat we've used thus far. But for those who like the taste of Mary's little friend, this took the burger up the pantheon.
  • Pita bread: Like the lamb, tzatsiki, tomatoes, and onions, used in the famous Greek gyros.
  • Feta cheese: The Greek put feta on everything. Chicken. Feta. Pizza. Feta. Salad. Feta. Frosted flakes. Feta. Feta on everything. We put it IN our burger. Jucy Lucy style. Again, controversial for some, great for others. WARNING: A careless first bite may lead to a Herculian shot of burning hot feta in the back of the throat.
  • Cucumbers, tomatoes, onions: I hate vegetables. But these were necessary. Greeks love vegetables as did most of the 15 other people at this our largest Sexy Burger night. They provided a nice light complement to the saltiness of the meat and cheese. Of course eating these vegetables caused a tremendous shock to my body personally and the result was not pretty. Everyone else made it through in good health.
  • Tzatsiki and kalamata olive spread: I fear I'm reaching my word limit. These were very tasty, one light and cucumbery, one salty and rich.
Have mercy.

A huge thanks to the 11 people who joined the Sexy Burger Six on this night (Feeney, Nora, Angela, Todd, Rob, Barry, Chris, Mike, Meredith, Rachael, and Holly). This is really what we are hoping this adventure would turn into. You and all the other Burger Mob are welcome to join us for any Sexy Burger night they'd like. Let's turn this Burger adventure into a Burger Movement.

See you next burger.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Eggs Washington

Benedict Arnold is a traitor asshole. There is no way in hell my restaurant will ever have a burger named after him.

For those who don't know, Benedict was a respected American General during the Revolutionary War, but when he took command of the fort at West Point, New York, he plotted to surrender the fort to the Brits. After this plan failed, he left our side to join the red coats.

Mother f'er.

How did this guy get such a tremendous breakfast food named after him? There's no such thing as Stalin Waffles or a Hitler Omelet. Why do we have Eggs Benedict?

Well at Sexy Burger, we don't have Eggs Benedict. We have Eggs (greatest American hero) Washington.

For the Eggs Washington we opened the doors to some of the Burger Mob. We had a group of 12 today (minus the Kid who was wedding shopping) and even had a brief cameo from the X Mom, X Jill, and X Dad (who sampled the Eggs Washington and immediately wished he had invested $160 K of his money on our restaurant instead of 6 years of my secondary schooling). Today truly felt like we were slingin burgers at our restaurant.

  • Beef Patty: Simple and delicious. No seasoning added. We are taking this meal back for America with a new name and an American staple, the Beef Patty.
  • Poached Egg: Rounded and white like a perfect winter snow ball with a runny yellow surprise buried deep inside. None of us had ever poached an egg before, but with the aid of a magic egg poacher, Mr. Lickle Tickles stepped out of his role as house photographer and masterly worked these little pieces of heaven.
  • Canadian Bacon: Ummm. Ya, I know we are taking this back for America. But this is pretty traditional and I have some French Canadian in me and they are our harmless cousins to the north. So. Ya. Worked great with this meal.
  • English Muffins: Shit. We are getting away from this whole American theme to this burger. If it weren't Saturday night and I wasn't already drunk I'd probably go try to find a new angle for this post. But it is and I am.
  • Hollandaise Sauce: Packaged brilliance. We did not make this from scratch, but in this instance I think it was the right move. This is an easy sauce to botch, so we trusted the good folks at Unilever to do us right. And do us they did.
So maybe we didn't take this back for America completely. We used Canadian Bacon and English Muffins. Benedict Arnold is probably smiling in his grave right now.

I don't care. His name is separated from this delicious burger forever. Our number one forefather lays claim to this culinary classic done the Sexy Burger way.

Eggs Washington, we salute you.

See you next Burger.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Recliner? I hardly even knew her!

If sitting through 3 hours of Avatar in IMAX 3D isn't enough to make you drool like your grandmother, Jordan's Furniture in Reading MA certainly will.
We didn't get much time to take in the scenery due to the mad rush to the back of the IMAX line. Being over an hour early a five minute pit stop was allowed where we enjoyed some Liquid Fireworks to the tune of Christmas carols while simultaneously watching an acrobat nearly kill himself (at least from our vantage point) in the trapeze school.

In the 5 second period that X Mark loosened his chains on The Spot (yeah right, we all know it's the other way around) she was memorized by a little girl's bed shaped like Cinderella's pumpkin carriage. This caused the crew to become outpaced by a mother-daughter team that was far more focused than we were. It should be noted that the girl was at the appropriate age for someone who would be attracted to such a bed. Luckily around the next bend of the Jordan's maze, a pair of simple minded nerds who seldom leave their couch were scratching their heads looking for the theater. And thus we achieved no net loss in our spot in line.

For a full review on the movie itself please see the post below from X Mark and The Spot.

The theater itself is gorgeous. I had only been to IMAX at Jordan's in Natick MA and and this one seemed at least twice as big with a screen twice the size. Twice as awesome. Barry comes on the screen to remind people that these are the only two IMAX theaters with Tempur-Pedic seats, all of which have "Butt-Kicka's" attached to them so that you can "feel" the movie. With 100 seats stretching across the aisle I would have preferred "Butt-Pissa's" so you wouldn't have to step on 50 people and miss 5 min of the movie in order to take a wicked. There was also something about individual speakers in each seat but I didn't catch the details there. The clip is funny the first time but an update now and then would really make each viewing feel more like the unique experience they are trying to create.

After departing James Cameron's beautiful world called Pandora, we entered a delicious world called "Bean Town".

Yes, that is a giant banana split adorning an ice cream stand and yes, X Mark is geeking out in some 3D glasses.

Everything that you see is covered in Jelly Belly's to give it that Willy Wonka look.

The way we felt walking out of there must have been comprable to how an E-head feels walking out of an abandoned factory at 7AM with a throbbing head and vague memories of the most epic night ever. I imagine that if it weren't for the Pork Chop and Apple Sauce burger Sunday night a good chunk of the crew would be in purgatory yucking it up with Brittany Murphy as we speak. Too soon?

Stay Tuned, dear Burger Mob, for Part Two of the Burger Crew's Field Trip! In this episode, X Mark will take over (because of his aptitude for long winded posts) and consider X Marketing, meditate on Fuddruckers, and suppress memories of how Wally The Green Monster touched him as a child. Finally, The Revolutionary Man will return where The Burger Crew discovers...drum roll please...the origin of Cheeseburger soup, and quite possibly the universe as we know it!!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Peter Brady Burger

Our Sunday night Burgerfest turned out to be one of our best. After the abortion that was the Devil's Threesome, we were all in desperate need of a delicious burger. I feel like my life can truly begin after this one.
We all agreed that we will never again stray from good old fashioned ingredients made from scratch. X Mark made an incredible applesauce (big ups to mama Bergeron for the delicious recipe) that will hold a special place in my heart for many years to come.

The Sweet Meat marinade (courtesy of The Kid) mixed with the ground pork was like witnessing a miracle. In my mouth.
The smoked apple cheddar really put me over the edge, in a good way. I almost fell off my chair when the combination of the flavors made forceful yet sweet tasty love to my tastebuds.

This burger is so effing good that I don't think words can really describe it. My reaction to this burger looked a little something like this:

We all thought it was so amazing that we couldn't even find words to describe it. We basically sat around the table screaming with joy like this freakish adorable ginger baby.

This weekend I witnessed two things I have never before experienced: The miraculous birth of the porkchops and applesauce burger (now and forever known as the "Peter Brady Burger") and the holy-shit-mind-officially-blown-wait-in-line-for-an-hour-but-so-worth-it-pee-in-my-pants-amazing-3D-awesomeness that was Avatar. Yeah yeah yeah the plot was silly and James Cameron should be spanked for a few things but honestly people, shove some headphones in and listen to your favorite music while you watch the movie for all I care. This movie was phenomenal. So much so that I spent way too much time transforming myself into one of those sexy blue cat people.


Ok that about wraps it up. Time to waste the next 6 days until burger night.

-The Spot

The Peter Brady Burger in Pictures

X-Mark's take on the Peter Brady Burger

Sunday, December 20, 2009

"People Need to See This"

Today my camera broke (which is sad) but I was lucky enough to capture one of our tastiest burgers to date. Enjoy!

Steaming Homemade Apple Sauce. This really made the burger.

The Kid worked with a number of spices to create some delicious potato fries.

Don't these burgers look tasty?!

Mmmm, there it is.

An instant classic!

Pork Chops and Applesauce

Peter Brady's favorite. Enough to make Jules Winfield dig on swine. The burger equivalent to the CGI in Avatar. If Ray Allen's jumpshot were a burger, it would be this. Silky smooth. Sweet and savory. Top of the food chain. I challenge you to be a vegetarian after just one bite of this burger.

Pork Chops and Applesauce.

Part of our Sexy Burger quest is trying to recreate meals in a burger. Most restaurant menus will be set up with a section for appetizers, salads, sandwiches, burgers, entrees, and desserts. Not Sexy Burger. We will be set up with three categories only: Burger Appetizers, Burgers, Burger Desserts.

And as such, we need to turn entire meals into burgers. Think of it like how all meals will be in pill form in the future. Consider this the missing link.

  • Marinated pork patty: The smell coming off of this burger must be what pheromones smell like if we could consciously know what they smell like. We marinated ground pork in what we in the Crew call "Sweet Meat" marinade. It is made of ginger, syrup, soy sauce, and other seasonings. We used a little too much marinade making the patties hard to shape, but we fixed it by adding in some bread crumbs to absorb some of the juice, so either be careful with the amount you use or have the bread crumbs handy.
  • Potato bread buns: These had a very good flavor. A little sweeter than regular burger buns. Must be toasted though, this is a very juicy burger with a very juicy condiment, so you want the integrity of the bread to hold up.
  • Apple smoked cheddar: We liked this cheese so much on the Luau Burger we had to bring it around for seconds. The smokiness really mixed well with the juicy marinade. This cheese can be too overwhelming for some (including myself) but with how much flavor was in the patties it was too over powering.
  • Applesauce: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. X Mom's recipe. Fuji apples. Cinamon. Brown sugar. Best burger condiment I have ever used (until the wonderful day I use Nacho Cheese of course). I don't even know what else to say. So GD good it will blow your mind.
Served with a delicious side of oven roasted potatoes, the Pork Chops and Applesauce became an instant classic. And we really needed a win. I was so down after the Devil's Threesome last week, I needed my faith in burgers restored.

Just kidding, I could never lose faith in the most important mission anyone has ever set out on. Ever.

Next week we invite some old friends who return for the holidays to join us for an international treat.

See you next Burger.

The Spot's take on the Peter Brady Burger

The Peter Brady Burger in Pictures

Avatar: James Cameron's Money Shot

On Saturday night, I along with the sexy Spot, The Revolutionary Man, and The Kid made the trek to Reading, MA to see James Cameron's Avatar, a story about...well let's be honest, this movie isn't really about a story. It's about changing the future of cinema. It's about expanding the possibilities of CGI. It's about making the viewer feel as if they are a part of the movie. It's about James Cameron saying "Hey everyone, bow at my feet and stroke my huge...ego."

I am no movie critic so I won't get into the intricacies of symbolism, cinematography, or comparing Avatar to other Cameron flicks. I am just going to offer my honest opinion of an entertaining, but uneven movie. And ya this is not burger related, but it's important, so please read on.

The Good
HOLY SHIT! I don't really even know what else to say about the CGI work in this movie. You honestly have to see it to believe it. I've never seen anything like this. I was on the planet Pandora. It was insane. Cameron created a whole world and even though it was a little cheesy (the trees and some of the terrain were straight from MJ's Billie Jean video) it was astonishing.

If you are going to see this movie, please see it in IMax. You really don't want to miss an inch of what he created. The coolest part about the 3D effects were actually the scenes inside of the human ships. You really felt like you were walking through the mess hall or going into the lab to get into your own Avatar pod. The 3D wasn't gimmicky at all made a massive difference. I honestly would not even bother seeing the movie unless it was 3D and on a huge screen.

The acting and dialogue was actually not that cheesy either, save for a couple lines, but what can you expect from a sci-fi movie? The dude who played Jake Sully was good, Sigourney was not unbearable, and even Michelle Rodriguez did not make me want to gouge my eyes out with a dull, rusty scalpel like she usually does (Lost fans know what I'm talking about). Actually the worst part in the movie was Giovanni Ribisi's character, who was the business mogul looking to secure the supposedly valuable Unobtanium from the planet Pandora. But he's usually one of my favorite actors so I'll give him a pass. And this segue's into my next part...

The Bad
You may have noticed by now that all the good I mentioned was the technology and visuals explored in this movie. But the plot, oh man the plot. I'm not entirely sure there was one. There may have been 3. There may have been 0. Really hard to tell.

Without giving too much away, so I'll say ***SPOILER ALERT*** here, it seemed like the original plot of the movie is as follows:
  • Humans discover the planet Pandora
  • Humans discover the element Unobtanium (ya I'm vomiting in my mouth thinking about that ridiculous name) which apparently is wicked valuable on Earth ($20 mil per kilo) even though it's never mentioned what it does or why it's valuable
  • Burgeoning capitalist Giovanni Ribisi brings soldiers and scientists to the planet to remove the Unobtanium, but first they must study and assimilate with the natives of the planet, the Navi, who are a bunch of blue, pony tailed hippies that literally are in touch with the planet
  • And...
Well that is the last mention of Unobtanium in the entire movie. Why do humans want it? Do the Navi want it? Why can't we just ask them for some? They seem to like us ok if we aren't, you know, trying to destroy them and their way of life. Which of course we do eventually, supposedly to get the Unobtanium, I think, but I'm not really sure.

Now, the Spot assures me that the plot is not important because like I said earlier this was about changing cinema forever and not an award winning plot. But shit, Cameron spent over a decade on this movie, the least he could have done was have someone work on the script and make sure it made sense.

And one last thing I'd like to comment on: if this is the future of cinema, I am a little afraid. 3D is awesome and watching this movie was great. But if every movie starts becoming 3D, I'm gonna have to politely tell Hollywood no thank you. I really don't want to wear these glasses every time I want to watch a movie. You should have seen the ridiculous things Jordan's Furniture put us in. Uncomfortable and barely stayed on my head (yes cue the people out there who know me with their jokes about my ridiculously oversized head). I'm just nervous that Hollywood is gonna see the crazy success of this movie and think that every movie from here on out will have to be in 3D and they will dedicate most of their time and energy to creating the effects and forget totally about the plot leading to every movie being Transformers 2.

Overall, this was a great movie watching experience. I heavily recommend it to anyone, but only in the theaters and preferably in IMax. Just trust me on this one. Especially those of you who have never been to IMax, it is totally incomparable. Trust me my Burger Mob, you do not want to wait for this to come out on DVD. Rush to IMax and prepare to be blown away.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Grounded For Life? Shit Yeah!

This post is meant to clarify one very important issue dear to our hearts here at Sexy Burger. We are NOT a sandwich joint. Sandwiches are so last year and burgers are the future. Anyone can slice some meat and throw it on some bread, put on some delicious ingredients, and act like their shit don't stink. Well it does. It smells very, very bad. That's not for us. We ground the shit out of our meats. We ground the shit out of our vegetables. We ground the shit out of whatever the shit we feel like grounding. We ground them so hard they don't even remember what they were to begin with and, quite frankly, they don't care!

We put that ground patty in between two pieces of something so delightful that the pure essence of its being screams "Shit Yeah" before you even put it into your mouth. Even after it moves past the tender spot on the end of your hole you will think about it. You will dream about it. And eventually, like ourselves, you will need to blog about it.

We here at the Sexy Burger Six have lifted the fear of being grounded. So go ahead and do all those crazy things you were too afraid to do. Pants your friend in front of the teacher, shit in the bird bath, punch that midget Jersey shore girl in the face. This is not just a burger it's a Burger Movement and this BM smells good.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sexy Business

Some breaking news in the Sexy Burger world.

No, the Revolutionary Man and the Kid aren't pregnant and Mr. Lickle Tickle has not come out of the closet.

About a week ago, a family member of one of the Sexy Burger Six, who we shall call Burger Mogul, heard about our adventure. Burger Mogul read our blog. Burger Mogul liked what Burger Mogul saw. Burger Mogul has interest in turning our little Sexy Burger fantasy, into a giant Sexy Burger reality.

While nothing is even imminent, we are probably still in the making out stage of eventual conception, this is pretty damn exciting to all of us. For one, it gives myself and the Revolutionary Man a chance to use the MBA's we have to develop a business plan, which up to this point have served as little more than fancy kindling to this point. For two, it makes that light at the end of a tunnel I mentioned in my first post ever so much brighter. For three, despite all the obvious potential failures in owning a restaurant, how cool would it be to own an ultra-creative restaurant and bar with 5 of their great friends? For four, fuck ya!

The Burger Mogul wants to give us a chance. A chance to dominate the burger universe for years to come. But first, Burger Mogul wants a real, full on, successful business plan.

And thanks to Al Gore for providing us with the Internet, we plan to share our process with our faithful followers in this space. This will be totally open source. We will share things like our Mission Statement, SWOT analysis, target markets, operational plans, and potentially even create some kind of focus groups with a few lucky readers.

We encourage your feed back on everything we do. Use the comment sections. Let us know what you think. What would you like to see at the Sexy Burger restaurant? Does the Sexy Burger name work for a restaurant? Where should we be located? Should we be 21+? How bout price points? Anyone know a good ground meat vendor? Share with us to help make the Sexy Burger dream a reality.

We want Sexy Burger the restaurant to be for the people by the people. Just like the Constitution. Or FUBU.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

My Thoughts on the D3

Up until now I've been thrilled with most of these burgers. Burger night is the only thing keeping me on this earth I usually finish up eating, try not to throw up, question my life for the remaining hours of the night and pass out with visions of sugarplum burgers dancing in my head. While overall this was a decent burger, the actual ingredients didn't sit well with me and i need to discuss a few important points:

1. frozen breakfast foods (apart from Eggos) are disgusting. The answer is No. The French toast consisted of a mystery mush that can only be described as concerning. Something about the sausage conjured up images of ground rat meat and murder. The only thing worse that I can think of at the moment is

2.. that godforsaken Gap Christmas commercial (the one with the dancers wearing plaid) is making me seriously contemplate mass murder. I was thinking some sort of airborne virus but i have a limited budget. Matches are cheaper and very effective depending on the weather. Speaking of mass murder

3. The holocaust. Now that was a major bummer. Just about as bad as

4. that new MTV show The Jersey Shore and I quote, "If one thing led to another I wouldn't make him get off". I watched half of it and suddenly i feel like my brain has chlamydia. I'm off to bleach my soul.

Ok so none of this really has anything to do with hamburgers but guess what, this is my blog not yours.

It is important to realize that we were all a little hungover and lazy. This was a last minute burger and we would certainly make it again with better ingredients. I fully expect this one to be on the top of my list the next time around.

Long Live Breakfast For Dinner
See you next Burger!


X-Mark's take on the Devil's 3 Some

Mr. Barneby Jones' take on the Devil's 3 Some

The Devil's 3Some

Boy meets girl. Boy chats up girl. Boy buys girl a drink. Boy buys girl 8 more drinks. Girl meets boy's buddy. Boy, girl, and buddy return to boy's studio apartment. Boy puts on the Sisqo CD. Boy pours G and Ts for girl and buddy. Boy, girl and buddy fold down the futon.

The Devil's 3Some.

Tonight the Sexy Burger Six put an innocent spin on a despicable act. Breakfast for dinner is a favorite for a lot of people (especially Mr. Lickle Tickle as you will see in his photo post). And since none of us ever plan to be awake early enough to have Sexy Burger open for breakfast, we thought dinner would be the perfect time to have the D3.

The D3 is a work in progress. I personally like the name more than the burger, and unfortunately we are trying to sell burgers, not names. In the future this could be a totally different burger. Several ideas have been bounced around for tweaking this incarnation of the burger (two kinds of meat and an egg for 2 males and a female is the leading alternative) or this could just become the Breakfast Orgy and the Devil's 3Some could be dropped as a name altogether.

My lovely better half put it best in her post that evolved into a social commentary on the Jersey Douche. Frozen breakfast foods just do not work unless it says Eggo on the box (check out this article about the strange national Eggo shortage) . I am a little ashamed we used them. We are better than that. Admittedly we were a little tired and hung over from the Erickson wedding and did not commit to this burger 100%.

Well my faithful burger followers, all 4 of you, on this day, I promise you to never again go half ass on any burger no matter what state of health and mind I am in. We owe you more. We owe ourselves more. We owe our burger pioneers more. For our next burger, you shall have more.

See you next burger.

Mr. Barneby Jones' take on the Devil's 3 Some

The Spot's take on the Devil's 3 Some

Devil 3some me please!

* The following post was written immediately after Mr. LickleTickle devoured the Devil's 3Some *

I feel like a kid right now.

The Devil's 3Some, a name that would make my parents cringe, might also make them smile. It would bring them back to the days when us kids would mosey down to the kitchen mid-morning, groggy from doing important kid stuff late last night (like 11:30pm),presenting us with a delicious cornucopia of breakfast goodies.

Pancakes, french toast, Eggo waffles, oh my! Give me cheesy scrambled eggs, crispy bacon and juicy sausages! Where's my syrup?! I need to soak my dish in it!!

My kid brain could hardly compute it. I would get super excited. I'd washed my hands and dive in!

It were these mornings that brought me such delight as I made my way through the Devil's 3Some. It evoked the same emotions that little Mr LickleTickle felt when he was just a wild, off-the-wall, 12 year old kid.

Now for some pictures:

Your local grocery store will provide all of the materials you need for the Devil's 3some. We did it late Sunday night (breakfast at night might be better than breakfast at breakfast because it's a total deviation from standard convention). The smell of these goodies had me jumping for joy.

Mark performing a magic trick. Well, that's what he told me.

This OJ didn't taste like the OJ I used to enjoy as a kid. It was a bit bubbly. It sure was delicious though!

Prof. Purple flipping and frying!

X Mark and Prof. Purple making my breakfast for dinner for me. In a strange way,


Take one waffle. Put a sausage pattie with cheddar cheese on it. Add a slice of french toast. Included one more sausage pattie with cheddar cheese. Top it off with one more waffle. Drizzle with syrup!!

This looks so good! It also tasted very, very good. I can't wait to tinker around with this burger again!

The Spot's take on the Devil's 3 Some

X-Mark's take on the Devil's 3 Some

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Art of Pattie Molding

That's Amore Burger

That's Amore
Pizza is the Italian hamburger. A blank canvas of deliciousness.

You like pineapples? Throw em on there. You like peppahs? Throw em on there. You like BBQ chicken? You guessed it, throw em on there.

This is a style of cooking the Sexy Burger Six heartily endorses, which means we just had to do our tribute to pizza with the That's Amore Burger.

This was a last minute addition to the family. Stupidly we had forgotten all about a pizza burger. The idea evolved out of the hundreds of emails sent back and forth by the SBS the week prior (but if our bosses ask, the emails were "work related"). Planning on having a pizza night on Friday, a light went off in the mind of The Revolutionary Man: why eat pizza when we can eat a pizza burger?

That's Amore.

Mama mia was this a good f'n burger! Each bite called to mind the truly great Italian heroes who came before us: Deano, Frank, Rocky, Tony C, Sophia Loren, Brian Scalabrine, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, Michaelangelo, Mario and Luigi. My second favorite burger thus far.

  • Ground beef: Hamburger is a well traveled pizza topping, so we went with the traditional beef for this one. I mixed it with some grated parm/ricotta cheese and Italian seasoning. Tender, juicy, bursting with flavor.
  • Pizza sauce: In the future when time and budget are not issues, I will begin to make my own marinara. For now, I bought Ragu Pizza sauce. Blasphemy, I know, but times is tough. And it was still delicious. I put this on top of the burger after both sides were cooked rather than marinating the meat in it like I did with the spaghetti and meatball burger.
  • Pepperoni: Second most popular pizza topping, so I found it fitting to join this party. Went on with the sauce and cheese.
  • Fresh mozzarella: We here at Sexy Burger (especially myself, The Spot, and Prof. Purple) love our cheese. And any cheese lover knows, fresh mozzarella belongs in the top 3 cheeses cows ever created. As you'll see in the pictures, this melted on beautifully and was stringy and delicious.
  • Pizza dough buns: The differentiator. This is what truly sets That's Amore apart from your typical pizza burger. We used Pillsbury pizza dough, seasoned it with olive oil, garlic powder, parm, and Italian seasoning. The things this did to my taste buds are unspeakable in this medium. Wow. Just, wow.
Success on a burger. This one was very easy to make as well and not a leap of faith at all, so I highly recommend our slowly growing group of followers to try this one for yourself. Make sure you do the pizza crust like we did, it really made the burger.

And last but certainly not least, big congratulations to Jim and Ashleigh Erickson, who just got married this Saturday. 4 of the SBS was in attendance and it was a great great time. My first wedding since being ring bearer at my aunts wedding when I was 4. First of my good friends to get married. I feel like such an adult.

That's Amore in Pictures

That's Amore in Pictures

Firsta you ah takah the dough and spreada it ah out.

Adda yaself ah bitta olive oil an some seasonin'.

Makah sure ya pizza dough looksa like theese.

Next, takah ah bit of ground meatah.
Putta ah little parmesan cheese and ah little Italiano seasoning! Pauroso!

We zah foundah ah self ah little bit of freshah mozzarella cheese thatah you can ah rollah on out.

The fresha mozzarella makes ah me ah wetta in me ah mutandes!

Its ah bestah Italiano burger in all of the ah landah!

It's ah pizza burger! That's Amore!

Real women don't wear fur

However, they do eat meat.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Hairy Comedian and The Venezualan Shortstop

DISCLAIMER: The following post is not burger related and contains sports content. If you are only here for burgers then skip to the PB BJ post below. Otherwise, enjoy my insights, which admittedly went a little longer than I had planned, sorry.

Last night, after wrapping our mouths around the PB BJ, the lovely Spot and I were able to catch the majority of Robin Williams' new comedy special, Weapons of Self Destruction. Once I got past the horribly outdated joke in the title, I was pleasantly surprised.

While this was no Live on Broadway (his 2001 special that includes an incredible bit about Scots creating golf and a 2 minute session of Williams' miming oral sex on his wife by burying his head in his ape-like forearms), it was actually really funny. It was a little heavy on political humor (because god knows we should take political advice from the cocaine addict/alcoholic Mork from Ork), but it wasn't preachy and attacked both sides of the political coin. My favorite bit was his immitation of Doc Ellis, the pitcher who threw a no-hitter while on LSD.

I give the special a solid A- and fully suggest checking it out.

Now, on to the important stuff. Baseball.

My beloved Red Sox signed shortstop Marco Scutaro this week to a two year deal with a third year option for $12.5 million guranteed.


It's an ok move, not a great one, and there is some significant downside to the move also.

Yes, Scutaro gets on base and takes a lot of pitches and will fit in great with Tito's offense. He is also anywhere from an average to very good defender at short (per the scouts and numbers alike) and should serve a great compliment to his double play partner. There is also a good chance he will be worth more than what he is being paid each of the next two years ($6.25 mil is roughly equal to about 1.5 wins above replacement; Scutaro projects to about 2-2.5 wins).

However, I am disappointed by the move for several reasons. First, the team surrendered its first rounder to get him (and yes I know they got one for Wagner, but that doesn't mean the one they surrendered did not have value). The Sox make great draft picks and every first rounder for them is very valuable.

Second, Scutaro is coming off a career year and is 34, meaning he is highly unlikely to match last year's production.

Third, he is also coming off a foot injury, plantar fascitis. The Sox have a great medical staff and they seemed please with his medicals, but for a relatively old player, any injury gives pause.

Fourth, this probably puts an end to the Jed Lowrie era in Boston. The guess here is that he is used as a piece of a trade to bring in a first baseman or pitcher. I like Jed and still think he has a potential to be an average shortstop for a top team like the Red Sox. The problem is that you cannot rely upon him, especially this coming season coming off a wrist injury. What I would have like to have seen is the Sox signing a place holder like defensive ace Adam Everett or reclamation projects like former ROYs Khalil Greene or Bobby Crosby and give them playing time early in the year while Jed got healthy and then have them share time after the break.

Overall though, not a horrible move, just not the greatest one. But what do I know. Theo the Golden Boy has 2 WS Championships to my 0 and he and his cronies have repeatedly rebuked my efforts to become a member of their staff, so maybe they know a little bit better than I do. Maybe I should just stick to what I apparantly do best: making burgers as the Burger Maestro.

For the 2 or 3 of you who read this whole post, thank you, and I hoped you enjoyed my baseball musings.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


Ahhh childhood. The days of innocence. The days of footy pajamas, cartoons, four square, kick the can, curiosity, hairless bodies, cooties, bedtimes, and one truly transcendent sandwich, the PB&J.

What a marriage of flavors. The creamy, buttery, nutty PB combined with the sweet, sticky, fruity J between the complimentary empty canvas of classic white bread, the PB&J is everything childlike: simple, sticky, and wildly entertaining.

On the heels of our adventurous Luau Burger, the Sexy Burger crew decided to truly experiment with the childhood inspired PB BJ (peanut butter burger jelly), the adult PB&J.

Many (including my culinarily gifted mother) scoffed. There was even slight dissent within the crew. But at the behest of the burger gods, we pressed on.

Personally, I was more excited about this burger than anyone we had made thus far. Stepping truly out of our and everyone's burger comfort zone truly puckered my butthole. This was the entire point of this expedition. Trying things that the rest of the world had not tried.

While the final product did not blow our mind, it was a 100% success and a totally viable menu option for the person who wants to recall the days of old. Of overalls, skinned knees, paper airplanes, sipping the foam off your dad's beer, wild eyed optimism, and sugar highs and lows.

  • Ground beef: A fairly empty template with which to color our PB&J.
  • Cream cheese: For our cheese representation we chose the softest and creamiest of the family and placed it between the beef patties. This made each bite ooze with cream cheesy goodness, but for 5 of us left something missing. The one who truly nailed this addition, Prof. Purple, also included jelly between the patties which gave the patties extra flavor and each bite more punch.
  • Toasted white bread: With or without crust, the toasted white bread helps to uphold the image of the classic PB&J.
  • Jelly: We used my favorite Seedless Raspberry Jelly. Being a notorious condiment fanatic, I think I underused this key ingredient. For this and the PB it is best to let the consumer serve him or herself.
  • Peanut Butter: We used creamy PB because I don't think the texture of chunky is necessary. This ended up overpowering the flavor of the burger so be advised not to use too much PB if you want to enjoy the J and the CC.
The adult PB&J. The PB BJ. A pleasant surprise. A legitimate success. As I mentioned last week in the Luau post, this just confirms the giant UNIVERSE of possibilities that a patty of ground meat between two slices of bread provides. Stay tuned til next week when we unveil a mouthwatering adult breakfast burger. And remember, if you can dream it, you can do it!

The PB BJ in Pictures

The PB BJ in Video

The PB BJ in Pictures


The first step involved making thin half-patties. The Spot and Prof. Purple work the meat.


What are the chances that the ABC tator tots would spill out of the bag and spell this?!


Some creamy peanut butter, rich cream cheese and sweet red raspberry jam.


The Spot massaging a ball of meat in her hands.


A heaping spoonful of cream cheese does the trick.


X Mark found spreading cream cheese with his fingers was the best attack. Until we invent our own cream cheese spreader, this will be the preferred method.


Time to seal in the cheese.


Make your own chocolate alcoholic drink.


Suck on these sippies.


Tator tots fresh out of the oven.


Warm cream-filled burgers. The thing that looks like an earthworm coming out of the burger in the middle-right sorta creeps me out. Rest assure though, these burgers were amazing.


Slap some peanut butter on one side of toasted white bread and some red raspberry jam on the other. Place cream cheese loaded burger in between.


PB BJ: Eat It!