Monday, December 7, 2009

The Hairy Comedian and The Venezualan Shortstop

DISCLAIMER: The following post is not burger related and contains sports content. If you are only here for burgers then skip to the PB BJ post below. Otherwise, enjoy my insights, which admittedly went a little longer than I had planned, sorry.

Last night, after wrapping our mouths around the PB BJ, the lovely Spot and I were able to catch the majority of Robin Williams' new comedy special, Weapons of Self Destruction. Once I got past the horribly outdated joke in the title, I was pleasantly surprised.

While this was no Live on Broadway (his 2001 special that includes an incredible bit about Scots creating golf and a 2 minute session of Williams' miming oral sex on his wife by burying his head in his ape-like forearms), it was actually really funny. It was a little heavy on political humor (because god knows we should take political advice from the cocaine addict/alcoholic Mork from Ork), but it wasn't preachy and attacked both sides of the political coin. My favorite bit was his immitation of Doc Ellis, the pitcher who threw a no-hitter while on LSD.

I give the special a solid A- and fully suggest checking it out.

Now, on to the important stuff. Baseball.

My beloved Red Sox signed shortstop Marco Scutaro this week to a two year deal with a third year option for $12.5 million guranteed.


It's an ok move, not a great one, and there is some significant downside to the move also.

Yes, Scutaro gets on base and takes a lot of pitches and will fit in great with Tito's offense. He is also anywhere from an average to very good defender at short (per the scouts and numbers alike) and should serve a great compliment to his double play partner. There is also a good chance he will be worth more than what he is being paid each of the next two years ($6.25 mil is roughly equal to about 1.5 wins above replacement; Scutaro projects to about 2-2.5 wins).

However, I am disappointed by the move for several reasons. First, the team surrendered its first rounder to get him (and yes I know they got one for Wagner, but that doesn't mean the one they surrendered did not have value). The Sox make great draft picks and every first rounder for them is very valuable.

Second, Scutaro is coming off a career year and is 34, meaning he is highly unlikely to match last year's production.

Third, he is also coming off a foot injury, plantar fascitis. The Sox have a great medical staff and they seemed please with his medicals, but for a relatively old player, any injury gives pause.

Fourth, this probably puts an end to the Jed Lowrie era in Boston. The guess here is that he is used as a piece of a trade to bring in a first baseman or pitcher. I like Jed and still think he has a potential to be an average shortstop for a top team like the Red Sox. The problem is that you cannot rely upon him, especially this coming season coming off a wrist injury. What I would have like to have seen is the Sox signing a place holder like defensive ace Adam Everett or reclamation projects like former ROYs Khalil Greene or Bobby Crosby and give them playing time early in the year while Jed got healthy and then have them share time after the break.

Overall though, not a horrible move, just not the greatest one. But what do I know. Theo the Golden Boy has 2 WS Championships to my 0 and he and his cronies have repeatedly rebuked my efforts to become a member of their staff, so maybe they know a little bit better than I do. Maybe I should just stick to what I apparantly do best: making burgers as the Burger Maestro.

For the 2 or 3 of you who read this whole post, thank you, and I hoped you enjoyed my baseball musings.


  1. I tried, I honestly tried. I read about Robin Williams and I got about four words into the sports part when my brain started rejecting the information. I'm sorry :(
    Oh and someone shit my pants.

  2. I apologize too...not for skipping over the post as many of our readers surely will...but for shitting your pants :\ Trust me, it was NOT on purpose. Oh, and while on the topic of feces, my cat pooped a human shit in the bathroom sink yesterday! I guess it's time to set up the winter litter box for our outdoor feline! She/he (do cats have gender?) must have been saving that one up since the snow storm on Saturday!

  3. Wow, great comments.

    But I have a question: Is SexyBurger just a cover and a jumping point for X Mark to start his sportswriting career? Something smells fishy here and it certainly ain't a burger.