Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Uncle Jesse Burger

The Greeks have a rich history.

Famous philosophers. Majestic buildings that turned into even more interesting ruins. City states including Sparta and Athens (the ancient Yankees and Red Sox). The original bard Homer, writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey. Helen of Troy. Gods. The Olympics. John Stamos.

In a fitting tribute to this fine Grecian, the Sexy Burger Crew has created the Uncle Jesse Burger.

Why eschew thousands of years of Greek History for this modern day Adonis? Why risk Zeus' vengeful lightning bolts for the former Mr. Rebecca Romijn? Why must we shit all over the Acropolis to honor this man?

Because what have you done for me lately Greece? Do Greek college students pray to Athena the night before a test? Were the 2004 Athens Olympic not the worst in history? Hell, even Achilles has a weakness.

But not Stamos. Sure he likes the sauce, but if this is not the pantheon of the 21st Century man then I don't know what is.

Stamos has conquered all forms of entertainment. From the hard rocking, always caring Uncle Jesse on Full House, to touring Beach Boys drummer, to Broadway star, to Dr. Tony Gates on ER, to YouTube sensation, this man has been there done that with a verve and vigor not seen from a Grecian since Odysseus' epic journey.

And thus, Stamos' most famous character, Uncle Jesse, stands atop the podium in the Olympic sized battle for naming rights of our Greek themed burger.

  • Ground lamb: Used in the American version of the Greek gyro, this was a controversial ingredient for some. Seasoned heartily, this ground meat carried more natural flavor than any meat we've used thus far. But for those who like the taste of Mary's little friend, this took the burger up the pantheon.
  • Pita bread: Like the lamb, tzatsiki, tomatoes, and onions, used in the famous Greek gyros.
  • Feta cheese: The Greek put feta on everything. Chicken. Feta. Pizza. Feta. Salad. Feta. Frosted flakes. Feta. Feta on everything. We put it IN our burger. Jucy Lucy style. Again, controversial for some, great for others. WARNING: A careless first bite may lead to a Herculian shot of burning hot feta in the back of the throat.
  • Cucumbers, tomatoes, onions: I hate vegetables. But these were necessary. Greeks love vegetables as did most of the 15 other people at this our largest Sexy Burger night. They provided a nice light complement to the saltiness of the meat and cheese. Of course eating these vegetables caused a tremendous shock to my body personally and the result was not pretty. Everyone else made it through in good health.
  • Tzatsiki and kalamata olive spread: I fear I'm reaching my word limit. These were very tasty, one light and cucumbery, one salty and rich.
Have mercy.

A huge thanks to the 11 people who joined the Sexy Burger Six on this night (Feeney, Nora, Angela, Todd, Rob, Barry, Chris, Mike, Meredith, Rachael, and Holly). This is really what we are hoping this adventure would turn into. You and all the other Burger Mob are welcome to join us for any Sexy Burger night they'd like. Let's turn this Burger adventure into a Burger Movement.

See you next burger.

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