"Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this...and totally redeem yourself!"
"Tonight we spell redemption: R-O-N."
I had to look to the Farrelly Brothers and Will Farrell to properly express my feelings on this one.
Redemption is a funny thing. It starts with disappointment, and for a lot of people this is not something that is easy to handle. Sometimes you almost have to hit rock bottom. About 2 and a half months ago, the Sexy Burger Six found that cold, jagged bottom. Hungover, tired, and lazy, we half-assed our way through a breakfast burger loaded with potential and were smacked in this face with a hard dose of reality: you can't be in the burger game unless you are going to give it your all each and every time out.
Well, I am happy to inform you my Burger Minions, tonight was different. The SBS experienced the back end of sweet sweet redemption. You see for every valley there is a peak and we peaked all over the place tonight. We totally redeemed ourselves.
With the Revolutionary Man and the Kid tasting inferior food in Disney World for the weekend, the remaining four of us set out on a reclamation project this evening. Without the aid of a giant bus and d-bag host, the crew put together our own Extreme Home Makeover: Sexy Burger edition. Fresh sausage. Home made french toast. Aunt Jemima waffles. Fried eggs. Muenster cheese. Syrup. Powdered sugar. At the risk of using too many redemption metaphors I have to say that this was the Breakfast Phoenix rising from the frozen food ashes.
- Sausage patties: This was the key to the previous failure. We used frozen sausage patties. They were tiny shit discs. This time we bought a roll of uncooked Jimmy Dean sausage. Sliced those sumbitches up myself and threw them on the grill. Made my apartment smell like a sweet greasy diner. They were juicy, tasty, and cooked to perfection. Don't ever use frozen meat. Please. For me.
- Aunt Jemima waffles: With the Eggo shortage in full effect still, we turned to everyone's favorite Aunt (wife of Uncle Jemima). I know what you are thinking: if you are railing against the use of frozen ingredients in your burgers then why would you use frozen waffles? Well my answer is simply that they are delicious and they work perfectly with this burger. I used 2 for my outer buns. The Spot used one as her middle bun. I guess opposites really do attract.
- Home made french toast: Another one of our previous f ups. Mr. Barneby Jones took the rains on this with the aid of his mother's recipe. We used Pepperidge Farm Cinnamon Swirl bread, dipped it in a combination of milk, eggs, vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg, and tossed it in a fry pan. Some used these as the buns, some as the center piece. This was my favorite part of the burger. Cinnamony bliss.
- Syrup: Every good burger needs an even better condiment. This is the king of all breakfast condiments and it ruled over this burger like noone since King Henry the 8th (I don't really know my monarchies. Was Henry the 8th any good?)
Things looked grim after the original D3. And while we have had other major successes since then, this one hung over our head like a dark cloud. So when first bite happened tonight we were understandably elated. Redemption was upon us.
Now if only I could say the same for my beloved Celtics.
Anyway, see you next burger!