Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sexy Burger Takes Manhattan
Once Upon A Time, the Sexy Burger crew packed up their condom(ent)s and underoos and drove out to New York City! As a group that leans towards meats rather than fruits, the Big Apple sounded like a very scary place. The journey however, was a necessary one because The Spot had a gig booked with her band, the modern day Partridge Family known as Black River Sound. Fortunately, The Sexy Burger Six has a regular Burger Mob (BM) that follows The Burger Movement (The BM), and we sought out the hospitality of two hipsters in Brooklyn willing to take us in. Of course we didn't call them hipsters to their face because that is the most offensive term you can call a hipster! We would just say things like, "your aviator cap with rainbow flaps is so unique" or "it's so nice to see that 80's fashion is still alive and well!". Their names were P. Mombi and Leibovitz, and they welcomed us with cupcakes, local brews, and faerie tales. We found bovine inspiration in another blogger's quest to find the greatest burger in the Empire State, only to be derailed by brisk weather and overzealous day drinking, a favorite past time of the Sexy Burger Six.
Thanks to the advice of our hostesses we found "Paul's Da Burger Joint" close to the venue where The Spot's show was going to be. We chose this restaurant not only because of its location and references but because of the variety of toppings on the menu. I, The Revolutionary Man, was fully prepared to play 7 minutes in Heaven with the sexiest burger on the menu, but I am sad to say that I had performance anxiety. You see, the most outrageous item on the menu turned out to be the "Beef Burger Tar Tar". This consisted of raw beef covered with a raw egg. My belly full of whiskey demanded that something solid go into it, in other words, no tar tar or I would go blah blah. I don't know if such a burger would even be legal anywhere other than the city of loose morals, but I assure you, faithful Burger Mob, that I will never let you down like this again! After Leibovitz told me that NYC meat standards were different from everywhere else (not hard to believe considering their milk has a different expiration date from the rest of the state) and the waitress flat out told me "If you gotta ask you don't want it", I eventually conformed to splitting two burgers with XMark. These were the El Paso (jalapenos and cheddar) and the Chili Burger (take a guess). Each burger hit the spot in it's own unique way, and carried the diner vibe with which the restaurant was resonating.
We left Paul's that night with very happy stomachs full of the means to prevent full on blackouts for at least another hour. Black River Sound rocked our buns off and left the crowd screaming for more, especially XMark. [For those of you who are new to the blog, XMark is The Spot's #1 fan and man]
Eventually your Burger Maniacs stumbled home in the city that never sleeps. They said their final goodbyes to the remnants of Paul's so there would be room for the Super Bowl Medley the next day. They tucked their princesses into air mattresses that immediately began to deflate, and fell asleep to the soothing, yet simultaneously scary, images of Faerie Tale Theatre.
And They Lived Happily Ever After.