Monday, May 24, 2010

*Battle of The Burgers* Round 2: Pre-Meal Jitters

It happens to the best of us before that big moment. Nerves creep up and the world becomes a senseless blob of atoms and gravity that exist on two distinctly separate planes. Well, at least that's how The Spot and I feel before every big burger and something inside their bones told them that their decisions at these two restaurants were close to that scale.

To diffuse the tension at both restaurants we ordered up some appetizers and worked up a nice, solid buzz. At Luxe Burger Bar we actually rocked out two rounds of appetizers because half the party was starving while the other half had eaten not too long before.

Round 1 consisted of amazing buffalo calamari(photo courtesy of John C. on yelp. We got too carried away to remember to take pics). We would highly recommend these to anyone who goes. X-Mark was also craving some beer steamed mussels made with Sam Adams Lager that he happily faced and gave two thumbs up. It should be noted that we made it a point to go on Saturday night when their drink special was only $4 a pop. Make sure you don't miss the Luxe webpage ( because it is very user friendly and contains a lot of information, including daily specials. Saturday's drink turned out to be a delicious Rhode Island Iced Tea made with Firefly Vodka which has become a crowd favorite over the past couple months. Out of fear of making the wrong decision on an extensive menu we decided to kick back, relax, suck down some cocktails and order a plate of mini wieners, something The SexyBurger girls aren't accustomed to.

At Boston Burger Company we did things a little differently. Rather than go for the ever-tempting Macaroni and Cheese Bites or experimenting with some Terodactyl Wings (a blended sauce of BBQ and Teriyaki) we opted to make two ridiculous bowls of french fries our first course. (Once again photo is not ours. Found it on google images. We need to get better about this, sorry folks).

Honestly, one bowl could have satisfied our needs but the different flavor options were just two enticing. Also, as I previously mentioned, homemade potato chips are the only option as a side with your burger at BBC and the extra fries from the appetizers helped fill this void perfectly. Don't miss out on the French Fry portion of the menu where you'll find such flavors as lemon pepper, greek, chili cheese and so much more; we went with Buffalo Cheese (marinated with Buffalo sauce, sprinkled with mixed cheese, with a side of blue cheese for dipping) and the Garlic Parm (pretty much exactly what it sounds like). The fries were potato wedge style with which I personally have a love/hate relationship. The very sight of a potato wedge peaks my interest and the first bite is always exactly what I imagine it will be like, then the 2nd and 3rd bites are just too starchy for me, and the final bite is awesome once again. It's made me think of a potential side for the SexyBurger menu which would be called "Just the Tip" where you get the full flavored skin of the french fry without the tasteless, bland middle of the wedge. The tips could be flavored exactly the same as Boston Burger Company and the middle could be thrown into the mashed potatoes that we use on the Thanksgiving Burger. On a very important side-note, there was nothing special about the drinks here. They have your standard beers and wine at decent prices ($3 Big Boy PBR Cans were nice), but why mess with a good thing by bringing in a bartender into an already "cozy" dining area.


Also See
Round 1: Getting Down on Our Luxe

Thursday, May 20, 2010

*Battle of The Burgers* Round 1(of 3): Getting Down on Our Luxe

With creative juices focused on our Halfway To Halloween party, the SexyBurger Six took the opportunity to enjoy some of the other burgers the Boston area has to offer. First stop was the stylish Luxe Burger Bar in Providence, followed by the all too modest Boston Burger Company in Somerville, MA. I'm going to break these two down Dr. Jack style to make the most objective decision a burger fanatic such as myself can do.


This category is very near and dear to SexyBurger's heart. Besides the burgers, atmosphere is the most important thing. It is all encompassing, lasting from the initial vibes you get when you walk through the door, escalating through the meal and ending with a bittersweet feeling the experience is over when you walk out the door. Atmosphere is all about the staff, the menu, and the decor, and can only be measured by the degree of salvation that rises in your mouth when you see other tables get their food. I could probably write a whole post about these two restaurants alone but I don't want to waste your SexyTime or mine so my goal here is to give you the Sparks Notes version [it's a lot like CliffsNotes for everyone who was in school prior to the interweb].

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia

Sorry, I mean "Location, Location, Location", sometimes I mix those two up. First time visitors to Providence might have a hard time finding The Luxe Burger Bar because it's hidden next to a bridge but I think by the time that visit is through you'll actually appreciate its locale. Luxe is connected directly to a parking garage where you can get your ticket validated and pay only a little more than you would for a meter in Boston. This way you don't have to dig through your grandma's change purse to take out a loan on your birthday quarters for the next ten years. On the other side of the same bridge that hides Luxe from street view is a pleasant little bay where you can just imagine an ideal summer night hangout for the Providence Water Fire. The interior of Luxe is very swanky; the only other word I could use to describe it is sexy but I won't go that far ;) There's a nice little living room area for the inevitable line that comes at dinner and a gorgeous fully stocked bar that stretches the length of the restaurant. There are Warhol-esque portraits featuring burgers accompanied by jazzy tunes that are backed by techno beats. Their "Build Your Own Burger (BYOB)" menu is one of the best ones that I've seen. I'll touch on this more in Round 3 but it should be noted that a pad of paper and golf pencils are left on each table, a la sushi restaurants. Like I said, very swanky.

The Boston Burger Company was a very different experience. If Luxe is your rich friend with the beach house that you lobby to get invited to in summer months, then Boston Burger Company is your friend with the sweet party van that you've contemplated moving into on the occasional blurry nights. Situated in thriving Davis Square in Somerville, the Boston Burger Company has an ideal location for this type of business. We thankfully got there minutes before the dinner rush and were able to snag a table. The unlucky few who came after us formed a line that eventually left the restaurant and stretched out into Davis Square itself. The weather was crappy and rainy and cold but still they waited; that probably tells you everything you need to know right there. The atmosphere in The Boston Burger Company was very snug and cozy. I know that sounds like a nice way of saying cramped but that's honestly how I felt. I will be straight with you however, the restaurant is very small; about 10 tables, an area for the line to form, and a tight little kitchen make great use out of a prime and pricey Boston real estate location. The reason I don't say cramped is because they could have fit 12 tables in there but they didn't. Even though Luxe had a major size advantage I felt more involved with my neighbor's conversation in Luxe than I did at BBC. This can be further emphasized by the fact that Luxe had thumping electronica and BBC had some chill ass tunes from The Beatles, Wilco, etc. And finally, here's what I really loved about the Boston Burger Company: It was run by 6 people! Yes it's true! 2 Waitresses, 2 cooks, 1 hostess, and 1 foodrunner. I think I may have caught glimpse of a prep guy/dishwasher downstairs too? The point is, The SexyBurger6 could really open their own restaurant and run it without having to hire a single person! Sure it's small, but guess what? The lot next to BBC has opened up and now that they have an established clientele they can knock down the wall and expand! We wish them and their burgers the very best of luck! You are truly inspirational Boston Burger Company, God Bless You and God Bless Your Burgers!


The full bar really pushed Luxe ahead in the atmosphere category. It gave the people who were waiting a nice place to relax while making the restaurant feel like a real "happening" place.

Round 2: Pre-Meal Jitters

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Have your cake and burger too!

Check out this amazing cake Professor Purple hustled for us to serve our first annual Halfway to Halloween party

This would normally go for over $400 but when Prof. Purple threatened to flunk the baker's son she agreed to hand it over at cost. Isn't networking great? ;)

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Halfway to Halloween: A Retro Diary

For all you Sports Guy fans out there, allow me to borrow one of his gimmicks, the retro diary (used expertly here to depict the fall of basketball, and most likely life, in Cleveland), to recap the Sexy Burger Halfway to Halloween Extravaganza!

5:30 AM: My typical wake up when I have had too much to drink the night before, this is the time where I transition from "passing out" to "sleeping". This allows me to do two things: pee out about 120 ounces of Bud Heavy and notice that that bitch Mother Nature is not going to make this day easy on us. Thunderstormin like a mafacka.

7:00 AM: My alarm is set for 8:05, but it feels like Christmas morning to me and I am wide awake with visions of meat and beer dancing in my head. For Mr. Barneby Jones, it feels like his birthday morning.

8:05 AM: The alarm goes off so I officially leap out of bed. The Spot is not so spry. She asks: "Where the hell are you getting all this energy from?" I reply: "It's pure adrenaline baby. I'm sure it will give out around 5 and I'll pass out on the grill." Good lord it's gonna be a great day!

8:30 AM: After stepping out of the shower, I proceed to use a fist full of Axe hair gel in my hair to get it slicked back for the day. The Spot wonders why I'm doing it so early when I'm going to have to redo it again later. It's all about training your hair to have it do what you want.

9:00 AM: As she so often does, the Spot proves me wrong by waking up at 8:50 and being able to get out the door less than 10 minutes later. We are to be at the Revolutionary Man's house in 20 minutes to load up the car and head to party central.

9:20 AM: After fueling up at Dunkin (Sexy Burger Runs on Dunkin) we arrive at the Revolutionary Man's house. We all agree that we drank a little too much the night before. And on that note I offer the Revolutionary Man a beer. The Revolutionary Mom is not amused. The Spot and I grab Prof. Purple and head over to the party house to meet Dave Prout (one of the unsung heroes of the day) to set up the Tent City anchor. Still raining like a bastard.

10:00 AM: We arrive at the haunted house to be greeted by our gracious hosts: Jubilee, Elote, and Paul Walker (no, these are not Sexy Burger nicknames, these are their actual names). As we wait for DPro, Mr. BJ, and RVM, I make my first mistake of the day: cracking beer #1 at 10 AM. Somewhere X Dad is smiling and X Mom is crying.

10:20-11:00 AM: Tent city is erected (insert Bevis and Butthead laugh). There are 7 things that can be described as truly manly: building something; manning the grill; surviving a gunshot or stab wound; killing an animal; making love to a woman; scoring the winning point/run in a sport; and growing/having a beard. On this day I got to do 3 of these (that you know of).

11:01 AM: The minute tent city is erected (hehehe), that whore Mother Nature eases off. The sun pokes out a little. Well played ma'am.

11:30 AM: At this point the Sexy 5 in attendance (the Kid was off doing wedding stuff) tries to plan the rest of the day. We are surprisingly calm, even notorious worriers RVM, the Spot, and Prof. Purple. For a bunch of drunks with busy lives outside of Sexy Burger, we really got our shit together this week with meetings and pre-party preparation. The day went mostly without a hitch and I have to give our group a big Sexy pat on the rear end.

12:00 PM: DPro returns with about 15 chairs, pretty much the only thing we hadn't planned ahead for well enough. I am convinced that man would have detached his left arm for me if he overheard me saying I needed an extra hand on the grill. AND he provided us with a great quote: "Jesus, I can't believe you guys haven't offered me a beer yet!" You raised your father well Angela.

2:00: After running some errands, hanging some lights in the tents (now needed again because Mother Nature decided to f with us some more), and cutting the cheese (litterally, not figuratively), the Spot and Prof. Purple leave the haunted house to go get ready. The first guests show up. Semi-unfortunately they are guests of the hosts and are a)not in costume and b)vegetarians. The old X Mark would have said something completely inappropriate and probably ruined the party. The new wiser, beardier X Mark took it in stride.

2:30: There is really nothing like the first handful of ground meat on a day when you are about to make 72 patties. We bought 28 pounds of ground meet in all (half pork and half beef). I cooked 15 Mafioso patties the night before and the other 23 pounds on this glorious day.

2:34: With about 5 Peter Brady patties formed, I meet a very interesting man named Adam. Wearing a leather jacket in a rain storm and toting a pool toy that lights up the ceiling like a disco ball, Adam proceeds to tell me a tale that I hope upon hopes is true. You see my little Burger Minions, Adam is childhood friends and band mate of Brett Michaels. X Mark usually hates reality TV, especially CelebReality TV, but he loves him some Rock of Love, so this development is quite interesting. Adam says that Brett would love something like Sexy Burger and thinks he would be a perfect fit. Even going so far as to say maybe Brett would bring it up to the Donald himself. Being a realistic person, I merely find this pretty cool. And even though I should be very excited that this sexual icon could potentially take our little venture to the next level, my honest-to-God first instinct is "That m'fer Donald Trump better not steal Sexy Burger and claim it as his own!"

2:52: 20 Burgers down. 52 to go. What did I get myself into?

3:14: Cheesus Christ rises from the dead. Brings with him the sun. F you Mother Nature. All we needed was Christ on our side.

3:37: The Spot and Prof. Purple return. The Spot is in full costume as the her own crazier Mad Hatter (if that is possible) tea cup and all. She will later proclaim this allowed her to slow down her drinking. Ha! Prof. Purple is strangely covered up, hiding her costume because she says she looks too slutty without her tiny white apron, still in RVM's possession. Prof. Purple, this is Sexy Burger. Sluttiness is encouraged and borderline mandatory!

3:42: I realize I may be drinking too much too soon. Better switch to light beer.

4:10: The Nightman Cometh! I finally take a break from patty making with about 20 more South of the Border patties to form. The Spot applies my eye make up (which she enjoys way too much) while the Kid assembles her costume (which is 100% homemade by her and the Spot) in one of the bedrooms. Is it too late to switch her nickname to the Logo? Do you think Jerry West would be pissed?

4:30: The first of our guests arrive! I was really planning on giving a shout out to the first arrival, but I think that switch to light beer came a little too late in the day so some of the details for the rest of the day are a little fuzzy. So Guest #1 I apologize for the lack of recognition, but thank you for being fashionably on time.

4:45-9:30: I fire up the grill at 4:45. I power it down at 9:30. Four hours and 45 minutes is a long time to be on the grill, even for X Mark. I'm sucking down more smoke than the Marlboro Man. I'm handling more meat than an 11 year old Thai ladyboy. I'm sure a lot of wonderful and hilarious things are happening in this time period but my entire focus is meat. I see flashes of costumes out of my sexy black eyes. Anime characters here. Condiments there. My arch nemesis lurking near my woman. My other arch nemesis clinging to his sugar daddy. Refugees from Arizona. The Spot and Mr. BJ are working the party like Frank and Deano. Professor Purple, RVM, and the Kid are running around as my little elves. Costumed freaks are laughing and drinking and eating their faces off. This is why we started Sexy Burger.

9:45: The chef finally eats.

9:52: RVM (dressed as Dayman) barely lets me finish my last delicious bite of the Mafioso before we battle to the death.

10:30: Through the night we have each pinned a contestant for Best Costume and Best Burger Related Costume. The finalists: Emily Hendricks as Suki the Slayer...Julianna Hendricks as Lady Luck/Poison Ivy...Sam Hendricks as some Lord of the Rings loser (christ, talk about nepotism, the Spot did only have one vote though)...#1 fan Barbara Meehan as our #1 Fan... Angela Prout as the Hamburgler...Rachel Sutherland and Holly Atchue as Sexy Burger Waitresses.

10:32: The winners? For Best Burger Related Costume it is Barbara Meehan, winner of a Sexy Burger trucker hat. For Best Costume it is Jive Prout as the Hamburgler, winner of the one and only Big City Slider maker.

10:45-2:00 AM: The rest of the night is fairly uneventful. Some quick highlights: Tent city almost blowing away (I shoulda known Mother Nature wasn't done with us)...The Cake...The drunken singalong started by Sam and Jon "Worst Costume Ever" Hendricks...The drunken singalong grinding to a screeching halt at the hands of Brendan "Thanks to Jon Hendricks I Didn't Win for Worst Costume" McCabe...Singing the Dayman song around the fire.

2:15 AM: X Mark and the Spot retire for the evening. Tired. Drunk. Happy as two burgers covered with cheese and my homemade applesauce. What a motherfuckin success.

For all you Burger Minions who missed the event of the season, stay tuned because we will definitely be doing something like this again (cough June 12 cough cough). Hopefully Halfway to Halloween becomes our signature annual event.

A massive massive massive massive thanks to Jubilee, Elote, and Paul Walker for opening their doors to this debacle; Dave Prout for making our Tent City dream a reality; our loyal friends/fans for shelling out $10 for food (which I know is a lot for a burger but I hope it was worth it) and showing up in some truly great costumes; Mike at O'Driscoll's for giving us a great price on ground beef and pork; the Revolutionary Mom for letting us do prep work in her kitchen the night before; and last but not least the rest of the Sexy Burger 6 for helping me to make this party go off without a hitch and most of all for not fighting amongst ourselves even once. The burgers will truly unite us all!

Don't miss some of Mr. BJ's favorite costumes of the day!

See ya next burger party!

In Non-Burger News

The Revolutionary Man defeated Gannon last night in Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess! It took a mere 56 hours.

But totally validates the name change from The Revolutionary Kid.

And somehow I still managed to score a lady as beautiful as The Kid! The princess doesn't hold a candle to her...although it would be nice to move into Hyrule Castle instead of our bungalow ;)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

These Costumes Make Me Laugh!

This little piggy went to HTH and cried wee wee wee wee all the way home.

Don't be fooled. Even though this Hollywood heart throb was sleeping, he was seriously jacked and could've kick all our asses. Except when the Sexy Six combine our powers - then no one can touch us.

T-shirt costumes for the win!!!

I don't think this is technically a costume....but Swid sure did surprise us with this old school jam circa 1999. You ever been to Ward Hill? That mountain is HUUUUGE yo!

Not only can the Hendricks family sing and play music but they possess a talent for putting together some KICK ASS costumes!

Fred Flinstone mustah been piisssssed that this dirty hippie stole his wife.

Hahaha, these aren't costumes, but just wicked cute dogs. They each tried to dominate each other throughout the night (dogs do this by humping each other) and were just plain buck wild. Aren't they adorable!

Paddy O'Furniture, a drunk Irish man that could handily beat you in a game of golf....and proceed to sell you a luxurious leather sofa.

Larry the Contractor. Don't let that belly fool you, he can build a mean bar, among other sweet projects.

Ahhhhhh!!! It's Jesus. What up JC.



Dayman v Nightman - the epic battle!

Be sure to check out X-Mark's Retro Diary of the Day's events

Next On the Menu...

A Burger Quickie

Someone get this man a Sexy Burger stat!!!
Prahlad Jani ... confounded doctors who don't understand how he survives.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Stay Tuned.....

Get ready for a week filled with Halfway to Halloween Sexyness. Trust us, it'll be good. You can take His word for it: