Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Mojito Burger: Episode One of "The Sexy Drink Burger" Miniseries

If you know any of the Sexy Burger Six you know our stance on alcohol: we love it. I know I would put a frothy can of Budweiser on my Cinnamon Toast Crunch every morning if it were socially acceptable and I'm sure several of you reading this blog would do the same. Well since it is not socially acceptable whatsoever (believe me, I've tried in several settings of varying social class and been shunned in each one), we had to come up with another way to marry delicious food with our favorite giggle juices.

Luckily, this summer an opportunity presented itself. Faced with the horrific possibility of a summer BBQ with nothing but frozen burger patties and mildly enjoyable company, the Crew snapped into action. "How could we make a killer summer burger that would encapsulate our goal of combining food and booze?" First we had to channel Jeff Goldblum. "Wait a minute. Summer. Some myrrh. Myrhh is what the three wise men brought to Jesus on his birthday. Jesus. Jesus died for our sins on a cross. Across. Across the Atlantic Ocean from Florida lays a communist island called Cuba. In Cuba they created a sweet and tarty summer drink called the mojito. My god, the mojito!" And that is how we got...

The Mojito Burger.


  • Jamaican jerk marinated pork patty: Cubans are notorious for hating Jamaicans. Cubans love 3 things: Hating fun, hating democracy and hating America. Since Jamaicans have more fun than anyone, love democracy and Americans love them it is only natural for Cuba to hate Jamaicans. Therefore, what better marinade to use in our Cuban drink burger than Jamaican JERK.
  • Lime: Use this liberally. Trust me. I squeezed it in the raw pork. I squeezed it on as I cooked. I placed lime slices on the patties as I cooked. I went a little lime crazy, but what can I say? I was drunk and it tasted great.
  • Grilled garlic ciabatta bread: This was almost as controversial as the Cuban trade embargo. Some people (mostly people with huge mouths like me) loved this bread. It was extremely tasty and crunchy. Others (with human sized mouths) thought it was not a good fit. They thought it was a little unruly and took away from the awesome flavors of this creation. 
  • Provolone: A lot of dominating flavors in this burger so we just wanted a cheese that could hang out and not try to be the center of attention.
  • Mango salsa: We've used this before on the Maryland Burger and decided to bring it back for this summery island treat. A much easier way to host a party in your mouth than inviting all your friends.
  • Mint chutney: I don't really know what chutney is but this was the mint version of it. Can't have a mojito without fresh mint. That would be Un-Cuban.
There you have it. Now I know we didn't actually use liquor in this burger but the idea to do so came much later so I'd appreciate it if you'd back up offa me. If you want you could try throwing some rum into the jerk sauce when you marinate the meat, but it really isn't necessary.

As you'll notice in the title, this is episode one of a Sexy Burger miniseries on Drink Burgers. The Mojito was our first and we have another episode on the way. But we want to pose to the Burger Mob a question: What other kind of drink burgers should we make? Get creative. No drink is too gross (believe me the next drink burger we write about will sound awful but it was incredible) or too outrageous. If you can dream it, we can do it. Please please please submit your ideas by way of the comment section below, the Sexy Burger Facebook page, text message, email, phone call, telegram or telepathy. We could really use your help.

Stay tuned for Episode 2 of "The Sexy Drink Burger" miniseries.

See ya next burger!
The Spot contemplates our next burger: The Charlie Burger
Sorry Lucia, the Logan Burger would be too tough
X Mark taking a break from cooking to make a sweet farting noise
I didn't know hipsters worked out!?!

1 comment:

  1. Speaking of Cubans...a word from Prof. Purple: