From Spanish reporter, Wiki Pedia: “Oedipus was a mythical Greek king of Thebes. He fulfilled a prophecy that said he would kill his father and marry his mother, and thus brought disaster on his city and family.” I wonder if he did this to get her special burger recipe? (Don't worry X Dad. I already got the recipe so I'm not coming for your throne.)
X Mom is an incredible cook. Growing up a picky eater, her talents were often times wasted on me. As a good Italian woman, she made great sauces with an abundance of vegetables and seasonings that were just too advanced for my MR P (Mentally Retarded Pallet). Even though I restricted myself from some of her best dishes, it was apparent she was a great cook.
In college and my first couple years out of school, it looked like I would follow in X Dad’s culinary footsteps. In other words, I would be the master of the microwave and peeler of potatoes and not much else. Sure, I could grill a piece of meat and make a mean turkey, cheese and mayo sandwich and my delicacy was Milano cookies dipped in vanilla frosting. But I had neither the patience nor, it seemed, the talent to evolve beyond throwing a Hungry Man dinner in the oven for 15 minutes with a cold Busch Lite as my vegetable.
Then a funny thing happened. I got a girlfriend. Apparently girlfriends don’t like frozen chicken fingers and cheese fries with a side of beer for dinner. Buying a pound and a half of turkey meat is not a smart way to get 5 dinners for the weak. So once The Spot and I started dating, I realized I needed to take my culinary ability to the next level.
After getting by with pasta dishes and marinated meats for the beginning of our relationship, it was clear I needed to show The Spot more. About a year in, we took a 3 day vacation to Provincetown where the plan was to make all of our dinners at our condo. I volunteered to do most of the cooking trying to show the little lady that she picked a winner. Like Clark Kent accidentally punching a hole in a brick wall for the first time, it all clicked and I finally realized X Mom had passed her talents to me. I grilled the best steak I had ever made, baked a flaky and juicy breaded haddock, and made the unofficial first Sexy Burger, a Jucy Lucy style blue cheese burger. I was hooked.
A few months later, Sexy Burger was born. When I told X Mom all about our new venture she immediately said she had a great recipe for us. I was thrilled to have her contribution, but because of our overflow of in-house ideas and probably some hubris, the recipe sat in my inbox collecting dust for over a year. Then, two weekends ago, we were trying to come up with a brand new burger to kick off the month of May. We had some decent ideas and some really terrible ones, most of which involved costumes for the burgers (ya we were struggling) but nothing seemed ready or worthy of being a Sexy Burger. Then we remembered that the following weekend was Mother’s Day and the idea hit us. What better way to honor all of our mothers who kept our bellies full of delicious food as we grew up than with a delicious and sophisticated burger they can call their own, straight from one of our own mothers.
The MILF Burger (Mom I’d Like to Feed)
- Ground turkey with pesto: One of the many ingredients in this burger that I didn’t like growing up, the parmesan and basil flavor in the pesto reminded me of how damn foolish I was to consistently say to my mother, “No I don’t want pesto on my pasta, I’ll have melted Velveeta cheese instead!” Any sane person would absolutely love this flavor booster for the turkey meat.
- Crumbled gorgonzola cheese: Fun to say and even more fun to eat! Say it with me. Gor – gone – zo – la. All infomercial speak aside, I really like putting cheeses like gorgonzola, blue cheese and feta on our burgers. They definitely retain their flavor best and with all the sweet burgers we’ve been doing lately they provide a nice change of pace.
- Roasted red peppers, sun dried tomatoes and avocado slices: 10 years ago if you had told my mother that I would not only put these three items on a meal that I was actually going to eat, but would also enjoy, she would shed tears of joy, laugh at the absurdity of your statement, then slap you in the mouth for lying to her. X Mom, like most moms, don’t like liars.
- Chipotle mayo and honey mustard: X Mom suggested one or the other, but since this is Sexy Burger we did both. Sweet and spicy came together as a comforting condiment blanket looking to tuck this burger in and put it to sleep. Sweet dreams and good night turkey. Don't let the hungry Burger Minions bite.
This was our gift to all of our wonderful mothers. Through your guidance, love and understanding we have become the well adjusted, slightly insane individuals you see here today. We thank you for not killing us for getting a bad grade, “forgetting” to do our chores, making our younger siblings cry, or stealing your vodka and putting water back into the bottle so you wouldn’t notice only to freeze the bottle years later magically turning “liquor” into ice. Instead, you stayed patient with us, gave us the tools to succeed and helped to train the greatest collection of burger making talents the world has ever seen. You are all truly mothers we’d like to feed. Happy Mother's Day Moms.